I am someone who craves order, routine and structure and in my world {military wife life, world} these needs are not easily met. I’ve found over the years of being with my husband, I am able to endure the uncertainties the military lifestyle throws at you, {schedule, location, time together those kind of things} by finding balance in the things I can control. My home, my workout regimen and hobbies allow me enough structure to feel like I have a little say, when generally we have so little. Because let’s be honest, when you are a military wife you know nothing is ever set in stone and you have to be a pretty strong and self-reliant woman to withstand. Like I’ve mentioned before, control is an on-going issue for me but this life and game plan I’ve developed has helped me cope… that is, until even all that falls apart.
Moving cross country, can and most likely will be stressful on just about anyone, throw in buying a home, renovating the entire thing, living with no furniture for 4 months in a temporary apartment, one mode of transportation, in a place you are unfamiliar in, do not know anyone, to top it off, never seeing your husband and finding out you are pregnant. You better believe you’d be hard pressed not to have a few bad days too. BUT, those days would soon be over, so we thought and I clung to the excitement of being first time home owners.
Fast forward to moving into our ‘finished’ home. It was livable and we wanted in, despite not having a fully functioning kitchen, partial flooring, outlets still not complete and house not fully painted, but we were just thankful for this long awaited moment and moved in anyways and our lease was long up. It had been delayed enough as it was and we needed to make moves. Well, four days in and to our surprise we walked into our newly finished bathroom to find it flooded. Que the water works. I couldn’t believe it, after all we had endured, wasn’t it our time to enjoy this very long awaited happiness? Among many other issues that arose in the next month to come, we had to make the best of it. I felt my frustrations starting to fester and take root in me and that is just not the person I wanted to be.
So, Instead of allowing myself to continue down this road of “woe me’s,” and “this can’t actually be happenings,” I turned fixing the one thing that I actually had control of, myself. In addition, I also made a conscious effort to add the things to my daily routine that could/would make me happy and elements to the house that was causing me so much strife.
1. First and foremost, I gave it to God- I have a tendency to replay moments in my head over and over with every possible scenario playing out. I beat it into the ground until I am mentally and physically exhausted. And well, I was already both of those things and didn’t need my own craziness making it worse. So, I prayed daily, hourly even. Every time a situation came up in my head I would shut it down and start praying, asking God to help me have faith in him that it would all work out. I got to say, once it finally started to stick, it was such a freeing feeling. To not only say I trusted God in this situation, but actually mean it.
2. Flowers- Fresh flowers weekly were a wonderful way to bring new life to my frustrating situation. There is just something about fresh blooms that really brighten up even the dampest of rooms and days. I loved going to Trader Joes and picking out my flower bunches, with some greens and being able to add a little beauty to my house in shambles.
3. Music- Music is so good for the soul. We are not big TV people to begin with nor was it installed so that wasn’t an option. There is just something so much more satisfying about turning on a good tune and tuning out the world, or home, around me. With TV I feel I can get sucked into a hole, whereas music is uplifting. Our favorite Pandora stations are Morning Motown, Doo-wop, Praise and Worship and of course Disney. And you better believe we danced around like fools to get those happy juices flowing.
4. Making a daily praise and checklist- No matter how small or futile it seemed, I made a list of all the things I was grateful for throughout the day, the things I accomplished and the small victories. The mind is such an amazing tool, you can actually convince yourself to be happy by remembering to note of all the blessings around you. With this I also think it’s notable to add an achievable ‘to-do list.’ It’s important during these times to feel accomplished and this will not only allow you to see the goals you are reaching but keep you from diving into that gloomy slump that, more often than not, brings on laziness.
5. Working out- I made a conscious effort to work out, out of the house, at least five days a week. Fitness is so much more mental to me than it is physical. Yes, do not get me wrong, I love the benefits and confidence it brings me physically, but it’s my mind that really profits from the heavy lifting. Plus, if you can work out outside, vitamin D is a real game changer.
6. Pictures- despite all of the many boxes that needed to be unpacked, I went on a mission to find the ones that held my most precious picture possessions. Memories that brought me joy. I made sure to display them front and center so that they were the first things that greeted me in the morning. 
7. Eating healthy- I have said it before and I will say it again, the mind and body are crazy powerful entities all on their own. It is important to feed it properly to ensure overall health and wellness. And with that you are giving yourself the best opportunity to stay in a positive mind set. For me, at least, it is easy for me to turn to junk food when I am not feeling 100%, mainly out of laziness but self-pity is a perpetual illness and unfortunately, too many people suffer from it and its strong holds. So feed your body and mind according to the way you want to feel not the way you may be feeling.
8. Friends- It is hard to want to reach out to people when you are feeling blue, or at least it is to me, but having people checking in on my wellbeing was such a great reminder than I was not in this alone. My husband is my main support system, but he was going through a trying time himself and I was doing my best to not burden him with more than he could chew. Like I mentioned we had just moved, so unfortunately I didn’t know many people. I decided to join a bible study. Best decision I could have made. It was so many positive influences in one. God, companionship, the Word, it was a real blessing.
a. I also happened to have one of my best friends in town for a good portion of the disasters and I know that was God because I don’t know that I would have made it through, emotionally, without her love and support.
I hope these points help pull the joys of life into perspective. I hope if you are going through something, this little checklist can help you find peace as it did for me. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself, fight for your happiness, it’s yours to claim, do not let anyone of anything stand in the way it. It’s funny, I always comment on how strong, tough and brave my husband is in his job, which he very much is. But, the thing I have learned most this lifestyle is how very tough, strong and resourceful I am.
